My wife died recently. Here’s what this first Mother’s Day will look like without her.

As Mother’s Day approached this year, I felt a great sense of dread and loss. Forty-nine days ago my wife, the mother of my four young children, died after a two-and-a-half year battle with cancer. I have been initiated into a club for whom this day causes more hurt than joy. It is not just the day itself, the actual 24 hours, but also the days leading up to it.

NYTimes