Month: March 2015

We’re throwing away tons of fruits and veggies for not being pretty enough

Some criteria are rightly based on food-safety and shelf-life considerations, but many are manifestations of misguided normative ideas about what produce should look like. Cucumbers should be straight, cauliflower florets should be tightly held, and rhubarb stalks should be ruby red. If not, retailers tell farmers, consumers won’t buy them.

Washington Post

October 30, 2011

John Rosemond: Don’t go behind husband’s back on dating

Question: My husband won’t allow our 17-year-old daughter to date. She is an excellent student, very involved in activities at school and church, and has never given us any major problems. A rather brave boy has tried repeatedly to ask my husband to date our daughter, but my husband won’t even give him the time of day, despite the fact that he’s a good kid from a good home. We know his family, and it’s become embarrassing for all of us, except my husband. He refuses to even discuss it. The whole situation is making me feel like I’m watching “Romeo and Juliet.” Everyone who is familiar with the situation, including my relatives, tells me I should ignore my husband and allow my daughter and this boy to date. Please help me. What should I do?

Answer: Under no circumstances would I advise you to ignore your husband and go against his wishes, no matter how irrational his position concerning your daughter and boys. And while I’m reasonably sure he is not generally an irrational person, the fact that he won’t engage in discussion and bend even a tad concerning his stand on your daughter and dating means he can’t defend it; therefore, it’s irrational (a decision or position that is driven or determined primarily by emotion and which is not supported by objective evidence). Nonetheless, your marriage is more important than this issue. Keep that in mind.

Being a father, I would bet that your husband is genuinely concerned for your daughter’s well-being. Fathers can and should be protective of their daughters, but your husband’s protective instincts have gotten the best of him here. His anxieties (I’m making an educated assumption here) have overwhelmed his good sense and he is in danger of becoming his own worst enemy.

This has the potential of resulting in your daughter (a) engaging in deception in order to be with this boy, (b) leaving home when she’s 18, (c) entering into an early marriage that has a large chance of failing, (d) harboring long-standing feelings of resentment toward her father, or (e) all of the above. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve heard about a female child who was overprotected at home and became “wild” once she went off to college.

If your husband allowed these two young people to date, they would have no reason to be deceptive or to turn this into a soap opera. He’s actually giving them a reason to do what he probably fears most, and the consequences could be very unwelcome to both families.

Having said all that, it doesn’t sound like your husband is going to come to his senses any time soon, no matter what anyone says to him.

I certainly don’t know any magical words that would cause him to revisit his thinking on this matter, much less change his mind. This is one of those times, therefore, when I must regretfully tell someone that “I think you’re just going to have to muddle through this.”

Family psychologist John Rosemond can be reached at www.rosemond.com.